I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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