I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
