we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
