I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
