her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
