he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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