So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
