I accidentally burped into my bong.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
