Soap is not a condiment
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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