There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
