If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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