Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
