Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
