if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
