singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
