Someone shit on the floor
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
