some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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