Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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