Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
