Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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