but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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