piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just pynch a tree in the face
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
