you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
