So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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