Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
