I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want a musical about memes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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