I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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