His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I understand Curling. That high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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