what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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