I am puke
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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