god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
