I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
