Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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