I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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