Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
