Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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