I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
