I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
