my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
