What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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