I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
