those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why do cheetos always look like penises
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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