where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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