So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
