Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
