After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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