dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
