Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
God, I missed his penis.
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