Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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