hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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