they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
