I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
