i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
