Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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