All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
