Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
