You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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