Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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