you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
