we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
