ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
