Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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