holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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