When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
