I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
