when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
